Wednesday, November 05, 2003 I did it.... I broke up with her... and ya'll know what?Even though todays been a living hell b/c i broke up with her, even though half of my friends hate me b/c of it.....im really glad i did.Also...i told my mom about my grades before i got them last night...how did i do that?usually im sneaking them out of the mailbox...but i did it and im glad.she was happy.Happy...even though i got an f and 2 d's.i think im gunna go bak to bein a good person yanno?it works posted by Ben 12:16 PM Tuesday, November 04, 2003 Soo confused....another question...If i know im human and hate humans why do i still act so human.why do i constantly act so mortal all the time.I know what i should do...I know its right...I know it'll help me in the future...so why do i torture myself with guilt and shame???Do i crave paine?Do i do this for entertain ment....i think im just as bad as those ppl who go out and cut themselves to feel pain.Maybe worse...WHY DO I PUT UP WITH MYSELF! posted by Ben 4:41 PM Ahhh whats up homie llamz?And why the hell does that have two ll at the beginning???oh well...wanted to go sk8ing today but everyone couldnt so i didnt....such a nice day to waste.I still am searching for answeres, prolly ones ill never find. An old friend told me that love isnt real....its just lust.At first i argued with her and told her she was rong but now im agreeing with her.There was love but its all gone now...people make so many things and call it love.Talking on the fone with a girl is not love!writing her damn notes is not love!having sex with her, for gods sake is not love! so why do they call it making love? humans r idiots..... Being able to truely say you would do absolutly the BEST thing for this person(not what they want you to do) is love.And i think i just answered one of my own questions.... posted by Ben 12:50 PM Monday, November 03, 2003 Sorry i havnt posted lately but thasok cuz i am now.I dispise human feelings.lol nice way to start off huh?well ya see i only want one thing right now.To get away from everything and everyone right now and sort things out.Things are so confusing right now.I dont want to lose what i have but what i have isnt really what i want....i feel like such an ass because after everything ive done and after everything thats happend i still dont know whats going on. And the worse thing is...the only thing i do understand is the one i wish i didnt. well ill talk t0 yaz later i guess posted by Ben 5:18 PM Sunday, November 02, 2003 god ben post for crin out loud anyways long time no talk,i got a new blog http://www.juddlife.blogspot.com/ check it out and email me at driger44833@aol.com posted by judson 3:01 PM Thursday, October 09, 2003 This is my blog in which i will soon be posting. I just got ths awsome blog from my friend Judd. His blog is at so check it out. And if you want an awsome blog like this one email him at driger44833@aol.com. posted by Ben 5:09 PM Thursday, April 03, 2003 no time to post, if you wan't my story go to, http://silentdeath.blogspot.com/ posted by judson 6:09 PM Hey yall, well cindys not feelin to well but im gunna try to make her feel better. i think she might take her ex back,i dont want her to but i also dont want her livin a lie,so i guess we'll see lol or maybe i wrote to soon,ah to hell with it all see you guys i think im gunna syink bomb the spring dance!!! posted by Ben 5:35 PM Wednesday, April 02, 2003 alright yall!!im back!!!! ok well i still love cindy she wrote the most beatiful poem and i was like in it!!! ahhh o well shes not goin to the dance wit me i dont think thats ok well im gunna talk to my sweetie! c ya today was good and great, i think posted by Ben 5:54 PM | ||